Start with the unperturbed gravitational potential for a uniform sphere of mass M and radius R, interior and exterior:
$$ \phi^0_\mathrm{in} = {-3M \over 2R} + {M\over 2R^3} (x^2 + y^2 + z^2) $$
$$ \phi^0_\mathrm{out} = {- M\over r} $$
Add a quadrupole perturbation, you get
$$ \phi_\mathrm{in} = \phi^0_\mathrm{in} + {\epsilon M\over R^3} D $$
$$ \phi_\mathrm{out} = \phi^0_\mathrm{out} + {M\epsilon R^2\over r^5} D $$
$$ D = x^2 + y^2 - 2 z^2 $$
The scale factors of M and R are just to make $\epsilon$ dimensionless, the falloff of $D\over r^5$ is just so that the exterior solution solves Laplace's equation, and the matching of the solutions is to ensure that on any ellipsoid near the sphere of radius R, the two solutions are equal to order $\epsilon$. The reason this works is because the $\phi^0$ solutions are matched both in value and in first derivative at x=R, so they stay matched in value to leading order even when perturbed away from a sphere. The order $\epsilon$ quadrupole terms are equal on the sphere, and therefore match to leading order.
The ellipsoid I will choose solves the equation:
$$ r^2 + \delta D = R^2 $$
The z-diameter is increased by a fraction $\delta$, while the x diameter decreased by $\delta/2$. So that the ratio of polar to equatorial radius is $3\delta/2$. To leading order
$$ r = R + {\delta D \over 2R}$$
We already matched the values of the inner and outer solutions, but we need to match the derivatives. taking the "d":
$$ d\phi_\mathrm{in} = {M\over R^3} (rdr) + {\epsilon M\over R^3} dD $$
$$ d\phi_\mathrm{out} = {M\over r^3} (rdr) + {MR^2\epsilon \over r^5} dD - {5\epsilon R^2 M\over r^7} (rdr) $$
$$ rdr = x dx + y dy + z dz $$
$$ dD = 2 x dx + 2ydy - 4z dz $$
To first order in $\epsilon$, only the first term of the second equation is modified by the fact that r is not constant on the ellipsoid. Specializing to the surface of the ellipsoid:
$$ d\phi_\mathrm{out}|_\mathrm{ellipsoid} = {M\over R^3} (rdr) + {3\delta \over 2 R^5}(rdr) + {\epsilon M \over R^3} dD - {5\epsilon M \over R^5} (rdr)$$
Equating the in and out derivatives, the parts proportional to $dD$ cancel (as they must--- the tangential derivatives are equal because the two functions are equal on the ellipsoid). The rest must cancel too, so
$$ {3\over 2} \delta = 5 \epsilon $$
So you find the relation between $\delta$ and $\epsilon$. The solution for $\phi_\mathrm{in}$ gives
$$ \phi_\mathrm{in} + {3M\over 2R} = {M\over 2R^3}( r^2 + {3\over 5} \delta D ) $$
Which means, looking at the equation in parentheses, that the equipotentials are 60% as squooshed as the ellipsoid.
Now there is a condition that this is balanced by rotation, meaning that the ellipsoid is an equipotential once you add the centrifugal potential:
$$ - {\omega^2\over 2} (x^2 + y^2) = -{\omega^2 \over 3} (x^2 + y^2 + z^2) -{\omega^2\over 6} (x^2 + y^2 - 2z^2) $$
To make the $\delta$ ellipsoid equipotential requires that $\omega^2\over 6$ equals the remaining ${2\over 5} {M\over 2R^2}$, so that, calling $M\over R^2$ (the acceleration of gravity) by the name "g", and $\omega^2 R$ by the name "C" (centrifugal)
$$\delta = {5\over 6} {C \over g} $$
The actual difference in equatorial and polar diameters is found by multiplying by 3/2 (see above):
$$ {3\over 2} \delta = {5\over 4} {C\over g} $$
instead of the naive estimate of ${C\over 2g}$. So the naive estimate is multiplied by two and a half for a uniform density rotating sphere.
Nonuniform interior: primitive model
The previous solution is both interior and exterior for a rotating uniform ellipsoid, and it is exact in r, it is only leading order in the deviation from spherical symmetry. So it immediately extends to give the shape of the Earth for a nonuniform interior mass distribution. The estimate with a uniform density is surprisingly good, and this is because there are competing effects largely cancelling out the correction for non-uniform density.
The two competing effects are:
1. the interior distribution is more elliptical than the surface, because the interior solution feels all the surrounding elliptical Earth deforming it, with extra density deforming it more.
2. The ellipticity of the interior is suppressed by the $1/r^3$ falloff of the quadrupole solution of Laplace's equation, which is $1/r^2$ faster than the usual potential. So although the interior is somewhat more deformed, the falloff more than compensates, and the effect of the interior extra density is to make the Earth more spherical, although not by much.
These competing effects are what shift the correction factor from 2.5 to 2, which is actually quite small considering that the interior of the Earth is extremely nonuniform, with the center more than three times as dense as the outer parts.
The exact solution is a little complicated, so I will start with a dopey model. This assumes that the Earth is a uniform ellipsoid of mass M and ellipticity parameter $\delta$, plus a point source in the middle (or a sphere, it doesn't matter), accounting for the extra mass in the interior, of mass M'. The interior potential is given by superposition. With the centrifugal potential:
$$ \phi_{int} = - {M'\over r} - {2M\over 3R} + {M\over 2R^3}(r^2 - {3\over 5} \delta D) + {\omega^2\over 2} r^2 - {\omega^2\over 6} D $$
This has the schematic form of spherical plus quadrupole (including the centrifugal force inside F and G)
$$ \phi_{int} = F(r) + G(r) D $$
The condition that the $\delta$ ellipsoid is an equipotential is found by replacing $r$ with $R - {\delta D\over 2R}$ inside F(r), and setting the D-part to zero:
$$ {F'(R) \delta \over 2R} = G(r) $$
In this case, you get the equation below, which reduces to the previous case when $M'=0$:
$$ {M'\over M+M'}\delta + {M\over M+M'} (\delta - {3\over 5} \delta) = - {C\over 3 g } $$
where $C=\omega^2 R$ is the centrifugal force, and $ g= {M+M'\over R^2} $ is the gravitational force at the surface. I should point out that the spherical part of the centrifugal potential ${\omega^2\over 2} r^2$ always contributes a subleading term proportional to $\omega^2\delta$ to the equation and should be dropped. The result is
$$ {3\over 2} \delta = {1\over 2 (1 - {3\over 5} {M\over M+M'}) } {C\over g} $$
So that if you choose M' to be .2 M, you get the correct answer, so that the extra equatorial radius is twice the naive amount of ${C\over 2g}$.
This says that the potential at the surface of the Earth is only modified from the uniform ellipsoid estimate by adding a sphere with 20% of the total mass at the center. This is somewhat small, considering the nonuniform density in the interior contains about 25% of the mass of the Earth (the perturbing mass is twice the density at half the radius, so about 25% of the total). The slight difference is due to the ellipticity of the core.
Nonuniform mass density II: exact solution
The main thing neglected in the above is that the center is also nonspherical, and so adds to the nonspherical D part of the potential on the surface. This effect mostly counteracts the general tendency of extra mass at the center to make the surface more spherical, although imperfectly, so that there is a correction left over.
You can consider it as a superposition of uniform ellipsoids of mean radius s, with ellipticity parameter $\delta(s)$ for $0<s<R$ increasing as you go toward the center. Each is uniform on the interior, with mass density $|\rho'(s)|$ where $\rho(s)$ is the extra density of the Earth at distance s from the center, so that $\rho(R)=0$. These ellipsoids are superposed on top of a uniform density ellipsoid of density $\rho_0$ equal to the surface density of the Earth's crust:
I will consider $\rho(s)$ and $\rho_0$ known, so that I also know $|\rho'(s)|$, it's (negative) derivative with respect to s, which is the density of the ellipsoid you add at s, and I also know:
$$ M(r) = \int_0^r 4\pi \rho(s) s^2 ds $$
The quantity $M(s)$ is ${1\over 4\pi}$ times the additional mass in the interior, as compared to a uniform Earth at crust density. Note that $M(s)$ is not affected by the ellipsoidal shape to leading order, because all the nested ellipsoids are quadrupole perturbations, and so contain the same volume as spheres.
Each of these concentric ellipsoids is itself an equipotential surface for the centrifugal potential plus the potential from the interior and exterior ellipsoids. So once you know the form of the potential of all these superposed ellipsoids, which is of the form of spherical + quadrupole + centrifugal quadrupole (the centrifugal spherical part always gives a subleading correction, so I omit it):
$$ \phi_\mathrm{int}(r) = F(r) + G(r) D + {\omega^2 \over 6} D $$
You know that each of these nested ellipsoids is an equipotential
$$ F(s - {\delta(s) \over 2s}) D + G(s) D - {\omega^2\over 6} D $$
so that the equation demanding that this is an equipotential at any s is
$$ {\delta(s) F'(s) \over 2s} - G(s) + {\omega^2\over 6} = 0 $$
To find the form of F and G, you first express the interior/exterior solution for a uniform ellipsoid in terms of the density $\rho$ and the radius R:
$$ {\phi_\mathrm{int}\over 4\pi} = - {\rho R^2\over 2} + {\rho\over 6} r^2 + {\rho \delta\over 10} D $$
$$ {\phi_\mathrm{ext}\over 4\pi} = - {\rho R^3 \over 3 r} + {\rho\delta R^5\over 10 r^5} D $$
You can check the sign and numerical value of the coefficients using the 3/5 rule for the interior equipotential ellipsoids, the separate matching of the spherical and D perturbations at r=R, and dimensional analysis. I put a factor $4\pi$ on the bottom of $\phi$ so that the right hand side solves the constant free form of Laplace's equation.
Now you can superpose all the ellipsoids, by setting $\delta$ on each ellipsoid to be $\delta(s)$, setting $\rho$ on each ellipsoid to be $|\rho'(s)|$, and $R$ to be $s$. I am only going to give the interior solution at r (doing integration by parts on the spherical part, where you know the answer is going to turn out to be, and throwing away some additive constant C) is:
$$ {\phi_\mathrm{int}(r)\over 4\pi} - C = {\rho_0\over 6} r^2 + {\rho_0 \delta(R)\over 10} D - {M(r)\over 4\pi r} + {1\over 10r^5} \int_0^r
|\rho'(s)| \delta(s) s^5 ds D + {1\over 10} \int_r^R |\rho'(s)|\delta(s) D $$
The first two terms are the interior solution for constant density $\rho_0$. The third term is the total spherical contribution, which is just as in the spherical symmetric case. The fourth term is the the superposed exterior potential from the ellipsoids inside r, and the last term is the superposed interior potential from the ellipsoids outside r.
From this you can read off the spherical and quadrupole parts:
$$ F(r) = {\rho_0\over 6} r^2 + {M(r)\over r} $$
$$ G(r) = {\rho_0\delta(R)\over 10} + {1\over 10r^5} \int_0^r |\rho'(s) |\delta(s) s^5 ds + {1\over 10} \int_r^R |\rho'(s)|\delta(s) $$
So that the integral equation for $\delta(s)$ asserts that the $\delta(r)$ shape is an equipotential at any depth.
$$ {F'(r)\delta(r)\over 2r} - G(r) + {\omega^2 \over 6} = 0 $$
This equation can be solved numerically for any mass profile in the interior, to find the $\delta(R)$. This is difficult to do by hand, but you can get qualitative insight.
Consider an ellipsoidal perturbation inside a uniform density ellipsoid. If you let this mass settle along an equipotential, it will settle to the same ellipsoidal shape as the surface, because the interior solution for the uniform ellipsoid is quadratic, and so has exact nested ellipsoids of the same shape as equipotentials. But this extra density will contribute less than it's share of elliptical potential to the surface, diminishing as the third power of the ratio of the radius of the Earth to the radius of the perturbation. But it will produce stronger ellipses inside, so that the interior is always more elliptical than the surface.
Oblate Core Model
The exact solution is too difficult for paper and pencil calculations, but looking [here]( http://www.google.com/imgres?hl=en&client=ubuntu&hs=dhf&sa=X&channel=fs&tbm=isch&prmd=imvns&tbnid=hjMCgNhAjHnRiM:&imgrefurl=http://www.springerimages.com/Images/Geosciences/1-10.1007_978-90-481-8702-7_100-1&docid=ijMBfCAOC1GhEM&imgurl=http://img.springerimages.com/Images/SpringerBooks/BSE%253D5898/BOK%253D978-90-481-8702-7/PRT%253D5/MediaObjects/WATER_978-90-481-8702-7_5_Part_Fig1-100_HTML.jpg&w=300&h=228&ei=ZccgUJCTK8iH6QHEuoHICQ&zoom=1&iact=hc&vpx=210&vpy=153&dur=4872&hovh=182&hovw=240&tx=134&ty=82&sig=108672344460589538944&page=1&tbnh=129&tbnw=170&start=0&ndsp=8&ved=1t:429,r:1,s:0,i:79&biw=729&bih=483
), you see that it is sensible to model the Earth as two concentric spheres of radius $R$ and $R_1$ with total mass $M$ and $M_1$ and $\delta$ and $\delta_1$.
I will take
$$ R_1 = {R\over 2} $$
and
$$ M_1 = {M\over 4} $$
that is, the inner sphere is 3000 km across, with twice the density, which is roughly accurate. Superposing the potentials and finding the equation for the $\delta$s (the two point truncation of the integral equation), you find
$$ -\delta + {3\over 5} {M_0\over M_0 + M_1} \delta + {3\over 5} {M_1\over M_0 + M_1} \delta_1 ({R_1\over R})^2 = {C\over 3g} $$
$$ {M_0 \over M_0 + M_1} (-\delta_1 + {3\over 5} \delta) + {M_1 \over M_0 + M_1}( -\delta_1 + {3\over 5} \delta_1) = {C\over 3g} $$
Where
$$ g = {M_0+ M_1\over R^2}$$
$$ C = \omega^2 R $$
are the gravitational force and the centrifugal force per unit mass, as usual. Using the parameters, and defining $\epsilon = {3\delta\over 2}$ and $\epsilon_1={3\delta_1\over 2}$, one finds:
$$ - 1.04 \epsilon + .06 \epsilon = {C\over g} $$
$$ - 1.76 \epsilon_1 + .96 \epsilon = {C\over g} $$
(these are exact decimal fractions, there are denominators of 100 and 25). Subtracting the two equations gives:
$$ \epsilon_1 = {\epsilon\over .91} $$
(still exact fractions) Which gives the equation
$$ (-1.04 + {.06\over .91} ) \epsilon = {C\over g}$$
So that the factor in front is $.974$, instead of the naive 2. This gives an equatorial diameter of 44.3 km, as opposed to 42.73, which is close enough that the model essentially explains everything you wanted to know.
The value of $\epsilon_1$ is also interesting, it tells you that the Earth's core is 9% more eccentric than the outer ellipsoid of the Earth itself. Given that the accuracy of the model is at the 3% level, this should be very accurate.