I understand the lagrangian formulation of classical mechanics, to a degree. I can derive the Euler-Lagrange equations from the "least" action principle, and equivalently can determine the equations of motion from a given lagrangian. I can handle lagrangian exercises in textbooks with ease.
I don't quite grok it, though. If you erased it from my mind, I wouldn't be able to re-invent it. So I'm going back through it.
The way I understand the Euler-Lagrange equation is thus: In classical physics, by observation, there is a stationary quantity. This stationary quantity is called the "action", and it is the sum of energies over time (alternatively, a product of energy and time). Again by observation, energies can be calculated given the positions and velocities of all elements of the system. Call such a function $\mathcal{L}(x, \dot{x})$, treat it as a black box. Then we have $Action = \int dt \mathcal{L}(x, \dot{x})$. Making this stationary, we derive
$$\frac{\partial\mathcal{L}}{\partial x} = \frac{d}{dt}\frac{\partial\mathcal{L}}{\partial \dot{x}}$$
Informally, this says to me that the paths taken in actual physics are ones where small perturbations in a particle's position are canceled out precisely by the changes in velocity before and after that position (where the velocity changes are caused by the position perturbation). This has an almost economic elegance to it.
But it still doesn't completely make sense to me what a Lagrangian is. Its unit is energy, sure, but I also don't quite grok energy beyond the abstract. So I figured I'd play with a few simple Lagrangians, hoping to break the formulation and learn something from how the pieces fell. Take, for example, this trivial function:
$$\mathcal{L}(x, v) = x + v$$
It describes an unphysical world, surely. Energy is far from conserved. But I figured constructing a weird but simple lagrangian would give me insight as to the nature of the formulation. Let's derive the equations of motion:
$$\frac{\partial\mathcal{L}}{\partial x} = 1$$
$$\frac{\partial\mathcal{L}}{\partial v} = 1$$
$$\frac{d}{dt}\frac{\partial\mathcal{L}}{\partial v} = 0$$
So the path taken is the path satisfying
$$1 = 0$$
...Huh. The laws of motion are unsatisfiable. I'm not sure how to take that.
What, precisely, went wrong here? I'm looking for a geometric or intuitive explanation -- the algebraic troubles I understand.
What sort of world was I trying to construct? Whence the contradiction?
More generally, when you are handed a Lagrangian, what does it really signify? I can integrate it to get the action (an abstract number assigned to a path) or I can plug it into the Euler-Lagrange equations to figure out motion, but what does it mean in its native form? How do I read a Lagrangian without twisting its arm?