I came across this question here which was asking my exact initial question (I even came from Griffiths problem 2.4 too!). But the given answer gave me a lot more questions which I think constitute too much content to fit in a comment, so I hope this warrants its own question here.
To summarize, we have Bhabha scattering (with time flowing left to right):
As the accepted answer puts it, we have energy and momentum conservation at each vertex, as well as overall. Thus for each vertex we have $E_{e,\text{in}} + E_\gamma = E_{e,\text{out}}$, and since $E_{e,\text{in}} = E_{e,\text{out}} = m_e$ (in natural units), we have $E_\gamma = 0$.
My primary question is: how do you determine the direction of the photon (alternatively, which vertex "happens first")? The answer on the linked question seems to imply they happen simultaneously; but in that case, how do you know which side of the energy conservation equation the $E_\gamma$ goes on? In this case, it of course doesn't matter either way since $E_\gamma$ is 0, but I could imagine interactions where this does matter.
Also, were it not for total energy conservation (say we had the identical diagram for the invalid "scattering" $\mu^-\mu^+\to e^-e^+$), I assume the photon in fact could take on energy. But if one vertex happens first, could the the photon not take on a variable amount of the excess energy $m_\mu - m_e$, with momentum conservation then being ensured by the second vertex? I have only ever seen variable energy to be integrated over in diagrams with loops, so it feels like this intuition is wrong.
Hopefully this isn't too many small little questions; help is appreciated.