Background
The questions you post betray an underlying confusion about some of the terms in the language of thermodynamics. I prefer to start with this and then address each question specifically.
The System, Surroundings, and Boundary
A system is a region that we define. Anything outside the system is the surroundings. The system and surroundings are separated by a boundary. For simplicity, we will use a closed system. A closed system is one that does not have mass flow in or out across its boundary. We will also use a pure system, which is one that has only one chemical substance.
The combination of a system and surroundings is called the universe.
The State of a System, Surroundings, and Boundary
We can prove that the equilibrium state in a closed system of a pure substance of known mass can be defined exactly by any two of the three variables $T, p, V$. This means, we can define the absolute values of any of the thermodynamic parameters such as internal energy $U$, enthalpy $H$, entropy $S$, Helmholtz energy $A$, or Gibbs energy $G$ simply by defining any two of the three variables.
We are generally not interested in knowing the absolute equilibrium state of the surroundings as much as we are in specifying its temperature and pressure. A boundary has no state properties and no parameters because it has no finite dimension to it. It serves only as a separation across which the system and surroundings exchange energy in the form of heat or work (or “other work” such as light energy or electrical energy).
When we ask about the state of something, we are usually about the state of a system. Otherwise, we would be explicit (state of the surroundings or state of the universe).
Thermodynamic Properties
In the paradigm of statistical mechanics, the absolute internal energy of a system is related to the translation, rotation, and vibrational states of the molecules in the system. We generally ignore the electronic and nuclear states for reasons given below. Also in statistical mechanics, absolute entropy is related to the number of possible micro states of the system, stated as $S = k \ln \Omega$.
In the paradigm of the laws of thermodynamics, we are typically not as much interested in the absolute values of thermodynamic state properties of a system as we are interested in changes in state properties during a process with one exception. A change in a state property $Z$ is indicated as $dZ$ for an infinitesimal step or $\Delta Z$ for a difference between a final state minus an initial state. The one exception is the significance of absolute value of entropy $S$. At absolute zero temperature, the third law of thermodynamics defines $S$ as zero. In statistical mechanics, at absolute zero temperature, the state of the system is associated with only one micro state, that of a perfectly ordered single crystal of the material, and $S = k \ln \Omega = k \ln 1 = 0$ by definition as well.
The contributions of the electronic and nuclear states of a system in statistical mechanics are of interest to those who deal with processes that cause changes in the electronic or nuclear states of the molecules in a system. In the paradigm of the laws of thermodynamics for basic science or engineering applications, such processes are not considered. In these fields of study, when we talk about making a change to a system, we assume that the electronic and nuclear states stay the same.
The Relevance of the Laws
The first two laws of thermodynamics are concerned entirely with the universe. For any process, energy is conserved in the universe and entropy increases in the universe (for spontaneous processes). The relevance is that, for any process, we must always consult the changes in both the system and the surroundings to be able to determine whether we have violated a law during that process. To make this consideration, we analyze changes in the system and in the surroundings separately from each other, and then we add the results.
Types of Paths and Processes
A path is the course that is taken to change the parameters of the system or surroundings. A process is the entirety of the path from an initial state to a final state.
We can carry out a process along two different paths, reversible and irreversible. A reversible path is one where the system and the surroundings are in exact thermodynamic equilibrium at all points. In our pure, closed system, the statement that we will follow a reversible path is understood to mean that we will hold the temperature and pressure of the system and the surroundings exactly the same at all points.
Reversible processes that follow perfectly reversible paths throughout are hypothetical. They cannot be achieved in reality. In reality, all paths are irreversible. An irreversible process is one where the system and surroundings are not at perfect thermodynamic equilibrium at all points along the path.
Notice that, we cannot make a statement whether a path or process is reversible or irreversible based solely on what happens only in the system. We also cannot make a statement whether a path or process is reversible or irreversible based solely on what form of energy (heat, work, other work) flows across the boundary or which direction energy flows across the boundary. To determine whether a path or process is or is not reversible, we must always determine what is happening in the universe.
Implications for Thermodynamic State Properties
When we say that we will analyze a reversible process, we mean this.
$$\Delta U_{universe} = \Delta U_{sys} + \Delta U_{surr} = 0$$
$$\Delta S_{universe} = \Delta S_{sys} + \Delta S_{surr} = 0$$
When we say that we will analyze a (spontaneous) irreversible process, we mean this.
$$\Delta U_{universe} = \Delta U_{sys} + \Delta U_{surr} = 0$$
$$\Delta S_{universe} = \Delta S_{sys} + \Delta S_{surr} > 0$$
The change in the universe is always the sum of the changes in the system and the surroundings. How do we find the changes in entropy of the universe? We must always determine the changes in both the system and the surroundings separately! There is absolutely no equation standing alone to determine the entropy change of the universe that does not combine the changes of the system and the surroundings! Since $\Delta Z$ for any state property is path independent, we use a reversible process. Why? Because, even though they do not exist in reality, they are so much easier to envision and analyze. We can determine $\Delta S$ so by taking the final minus the initial state property. Alternatively, we can integrate the property or its state function definition $dS = \ldots$ over a reversible path.
Answers to Questions
1) The only way we will know whether a process is reversible or irreversible is to determine the entropy change of BOTH the system and the surroundings to obtain $\Delta S_{universe}$. Entropy is a state property of the system or the surroundings. Regardless of the actual path taken to complete a process (reversible or irreversible), a change $\Delta S$ in a system or in its surroundings only depends on the difference between the final and initial states. So, it is not that $\Delta S = \int \delta q_{rev}/T$ must be used only in reversible processes (and never in irreversible processes). It is that we always calculate $\Delta S$ for the system or the surroundings separately, we always use reversible processes to do so, and we only know whether the process is irreversible when we add the two values (system + surroundings).
2) In the real world, heat is only transported when we have a temperature difference. In this case, the system and surroundings are not at thermal equilibrium. Therefore, heat transfer in the real world only occurs along an irreversible path. We can presume that heat is transferred across the boundary during a reversible process, but only because reversible processes are presumptions anyway. The answer for friction is addressed using the Kelvin form of the second law. Work creates friction heat, and that heat cannot be converted back to the same amount of work.
3) It is how we define the entropy change during a process. Alternatively, it is the scaling metric by which heat input/output cause the system or the surroundings to increase/decrease the number of available micro states.
4) Molecules can have translational, rotational, and vibrational modes. The heat capacity of N$_2$ is higher than that of Ar due to the extra modes (vibration in this case).